The Underlying Principles of Despair

Another day and yes I was felling down again. It’s one of those days when I can’t differentiate whats wrong and whats right. Looking at other students prepare for their future, I feel the need to get up and get going. I tried asking my dad about few things. Mostly about me going to study abroad. He gave me a value reply and started to talk to my mother about how business wasn’t going well. That simple statement made me retreat back to those days of my childhood when I had never thought dreams come with limitations. I felt an ache in my heart. Right now I am uncertain if I will be able to go abroad or not. It requires alot of money, dedication and time. 

Till now, I have done everything by myself. I applied for the passport renewal, submitted my application for universities, ran around the school for reference and also spend countless nights preparing for “future”. Many people dream of cars or buildings but if any of you know me, you will know that I dream of becoming a scientist. My dream is to be a researcher in the field of computer science. My fathers words today somehow made me feel like cracks were beginning to appear in the picture I had framed. This sudden realisation that maybe I wont be able to be a researcher. Maybe I will end up getting married like my elder sister. Maybe I will have no option but to look after my fathers business.

However, another part of me doesn’t agree. There is a part of me that screams out,” YOU WILL BE WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE.” The voice is loud but it is covered by the obnoxious calls from society. Where does this end? 

When life gives you limitation do you stop? Do you look back and regret working so hard? What do I have in store for my future? Why is it always me who is against myself? Why do we require money to fulfill our dreams? 

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